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Just a funny...

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
knockknockjoke.png
 

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
We often hear it said that we should not judge a book by its cover. If you have been around long enough, you realize that is a very true statement. You might think that you can size somebody up by simply looking at what is on the surface but when you look underneath, you will likely be surprised at what you see. Unfortunately, not everybody is willing to take the time to do so but there are times when it ends up blowing up in their face. That was the case with this young farmer from North Dakota who moves to Florida and gets yelled at by his boss. Just wait to you hear his reply:

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65″.

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’”
 

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
Regardless of who you like in the presidential election...this gal is funny, funny, funny and worth a minute of your time.

 

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
This reminds me of the "sworn statement" that Rudy entered into evidence made by a guy who said he had been present and saw some type of "election fraud" being committed either in PA or GA (I forget which) while votes were being counted. Further investigation of this guy proved that he had been in Arkansas and was not in the state, much less the place where votes were being counted during that time, that he was willing to testify that he had witnessed.

I would seem that with some people lying is as easy or even easier than breathing.





Kevin Davidson

·
December 6
Lives in The United States of America


Why didn't you vote for Joe Biden?
I was going to vote for Biden, but I was afraid my mail-in ballot wouldn’t count, and I decided to wait until Election Day. As I approached the polls, these guys with assault-style weapons wearing MAGA hats grabbed me and put a sack over my head. They took me to this room where they forced me to drink alcohol until I passed out. I woke up after the polls had closed, in the woods about three miles outside of town.
This is the place they took me:
main-qimg-7c73e025723f007e49901648e3e86095

The corrugated sign on the left facing away says “SAVE THE CHILDREN.”
And that is my affidavit, and I could go to jail if it isn’t true. And if you want corroboration — ask her:
main-qimg-36ec1a424fa0e33dde899155bed7a4cb

The story was in the papers:
Election Fraud Involved Kidnapping and Forced Drinking

:RoflLg: :RoflLg: :RoflLg:
 

sundealer

Founder

I would seem that with some people lying is as easy or even easier than breathing.
You are right about that!
This is a commercial running here for the Senate race runoff in Jan.
Like Pelosi, Feinstein and others in the Senate that were cleared so was Purdue.
But she read the script really well!!

 

KathyInAR

Founder
Staff member
THIS IS WHAT WE CAN EXPECT WHEN ORDERING PIZZA IN 2025:



CALLER:

Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE:

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:

I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:

No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:

Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:

My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:

OK! That’s what I want ...

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:

What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE:

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:

How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased
only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:

I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:

I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:

I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:

WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:

I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
 
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